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Whether you're juggling multiple meaningless flings, dabbling in a spot of online dating, embarking on a new romance or bickering your way through the seven-year itch, The Man Whisperer is here to offer you her honest, no-nonsense, down-to-earth advice on your everyday dating dilemmas and relationship roadblocks.


Dear Man Whisperer
I'm 31 and came out of a 14-year relationship about six months ago. I'm about to go on my first date. And I mean my first date ever. My ex was a childhood sweetheart so I've never had to deal with the dating thing before. I'm so nervous, I feel sick every time I think about it.

It's with a man my friend introduced me to at a party. I was a bit drunk at the time and only spoke to him for a few minutes. I fancied him and he seemed really friendly but the thought of having to sit and make small talk with him all evening fills me with dread.

I'm quite confident with my friends and in work meetings but I just know I'm going to clam up in this kind of situation. What do people talk about on dates? What will I do if I can't think of anything to say? As soon as I think about it my brain goes completely blank.

Mel, 31, Chester


The Man Whisperer says:
Email, text, chat, wall posts... there are so many ways to communicate these days without having to open your gob, it's amazing anyone can remember how to converse at the best of times, let alone on a first date when even the wittiest raconteur can be rendered mute (or worse, reduced to a gibbering wreck). When it comes to paralysing your power of speech first dates are up there with job interviews, dumping your boyfriend and boardroom presentations.

So here are a few tips...

Break the ice
The beginning is the easy bit because you've got all that greeting stuff to help you through. Let's face it, you couldn't give a toss about the weather/how long it took him to get there/whether he's been here before... but these handy little questions provide a first-date lifeline to keep things ticking over while you suss out important stuff like how tall he is and what shoes he's wearing.

Be honest about your nerves
No matter how cool, calm and collected your date may appear, underneath he will be a bag of nerves. By being honest about your own nerves, it will immediately make him feel more at ease will cut through any stiff formality putting you on a more personal and intimate level with one another. Don't be too honest though – he doesn't need to know you spent all afternoon on the loo.

Laugh about anything
You don't have to be a comedienne to make him laugh – you just need to be observant. From a conversation you overhead between two teenagers on the bus to the barman's dodgy toupee – the material is all around you. If in doubt, laugh at yourself.

Ask lots of questions
This will take the pressure off you, help you to suss him out, demonstrate that you're genuinely interested in him and put him at his ease. Plus, nobody wants to listen to a girl banging on about herself all night.

Listen
This sounds obvious but if you are asking him questions, don't forget to listen to the answers. Don't just sit there planning your next question. He wants a conversation, not an interrogation. So think about what he's saying and tell him your thoughts.

Choose your topics carefully
Talk about the stuff that makes him happy like his interests, his career or his friends and family. Don't talk about your Irritable Bowel Syndrome or ask him about his ex-girlfriend.
Just don't do any of these and you'll probably be fine:

10 First-Date Dialogue DON'Ts

1. DON'T exaggerate or lie about anything. It will catch up with you.
2. DON'T get on your soapbox. Nobody loves a whinger.
3. DON'T make inappropriate jokes. Leave your dark sense of humour at home.
4. DON'T be too dogmatic in your opinions. This shouts arrogance.
5. DON'T stare at the hot man who just walked through the door. D'uh!
6. DON'T talk about yourself continuously. He will get bored.
7. DON'T pry into his personal life. This is not the time to ask about his ex.
8. DON'T show off to impress him. He'll think you're sad.
9. DON'T reveal your dark side. He doesn't need to know about the PMT and 'white wine witch syndrome'... yet!
10. DON'T talk about shoes and shopping. Unless he brings them up.

Most importantly - be yourself. Good luck!

Email The Man Whisperer about your dating dilemmas and relationship roadblocks at me@manwhisperersos@aol.com.

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